Just Have To Larf

[golfball]

Here for your amusement are a couple of stories told to me by customers

1) on encountering the L.E.D's turned of on some duel techs i was informed that

"it will stop sales people from seeing where the beams are and doging them"

2) after servicing an alarm was informed that they had "had a couple of false alarms and it was the house plants Dancing about" i supose it had nothing to with the fact that the duel tech was looking out the window and at a radiator then

What are yours if you have any

[arfur mo]

after false alarms we all get the 'could a fly or moth cause it?' usually i reply only if wearing a stripped jumper like a wasp and a mask like Zoro.

but the best 'excuse' was by a collegue working for Shield Protection, who told a client in full seriousness the goldfish in a bowl caused the pir to activate, even insisted it was moved out of view of all the pir's, he reset system and left.

i get the next call to it when it go's off again, on hearing this engineers 'deduction' it was all i could do not to fall about laughing, but controlled myself and said as straight faced as possible 'no, i think he may be a little mistaken as goldfish are cold blooded' (exsplained the basic principles of PIRs to client). the client took this liturally hook line and sinker (if you will excuse the punn), as a scientific explanation and so believing i was more of a technician because of it

the true fault was the power for the control panel had been taken from the switched side of the understairs light switch (how commonly is this done?), i rectified and changed the passive to protect my collegue, and the company from an angry phone call, he has done it as a joke.

regs

alan

[Guest G.J.M]

had a call from a customer asking how to silence the alarm as his code was not working.

instantly recognising the familair tone of a fulleon roshni sounder,i told him it was the fire alarm.

he asked how to silence that then.

i told him that he had better make sure it's not an actual fire.

he ignored what i told him,reset and left.

The basement was burned out as a result.

[Guest]

The basement was burned out as a result.

[golfball]

This is just amazing.

A simple fire alarm service test all the heads E.T.C, no matter how much i gassed the detector in the basement server room the thing would not latch surmising the head was faulty it was duly changed but still it would not latch

time to check the connections thats funny it has just fallen of the cieling SH*t.

The whole thing had been dummy'd up to look good cable stump and all.

Spent the next 6 hours actualy having to wire one in

W.L.T.M the commisioning engineer

[Nova-Security]

This one will be hard to beat,

We where carring out some alterations to a intruder alarm for one of our customers in a office, they had a fire alarm company in to move some call points due to doorways had been moved, the fire alarm engineer had a young apprentice with him who he asked to check a smoke head with a big smile, off he went to his van, came back with tester and tried to test this head, 20mins later still no sound, and we tried to keep a striaght face as well as the fire alarm engineer, next minute the young lad got his steps up and pulled the smoke detector of the ceiling to find it was a covert camera.

[arfur mo]

next minute the young lad got his steps up and pulled the smoke detector of the ceiling to find it was a covert camera.

i bet his face was a 'picture'

regs

alan

demonstrating an LJD leviathan DVR, i was showing the object search routine to the client, drew a box arround staff room door handle, and let the search start.

cheff come out of staffroom backing towards the camera, bends over to but on his shoe's, at this point i should point out he was buck naked.

the two girl under managers were in fits - i got out before they told the guy he'd been 'framed'.

regs

alan

[1_hour_install]

Hi All,

I got to a job once and was asked by the customer how a pet detector worked. I proceeded to explain this and then when i was finished he told me the sales rep had said something different.

"The detector picks up the heartbeat of everything in the room (even the fish) it then analyses the heart beat to determine if it is animal or human."

[Smoke Screen]

Not quite up to the standard of some of these, but common queries by customers re: security smoke:

• Is it going to damage my stock?.........No
  
• Is it Poisonous?.........No
  
• ...........Can you make it poisonous? (get's funnier every time that one)
  
• On hearing about smoke combined with sound and strobes.........."they'll get all their mates down for a rave".........stop, my sides will split
  
• The burglars who turn up with Breathing Apparatus (can't wait to put the footage up here, it is hilarious)
  
• One of my actual favourites is when some contractors were working on a school in Manchester and they cut through the trigger wires dumping the smoke in the main office.
  
• The staff thought that the ceiling had fallen down (lol) and hid under the tables.
  
• They would not come out from under the tables till the headmaster came and commanded them.
  

[Guest ALSEC]

Me - what is the keypad saying..

Customer - my keypad doesn't talk..

Me - I'll see you in three hours..