Jokes

[sparky999]

A koala bear and a prostitute go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God,that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the prostitute says, "No, I need my money. I'm a prostitute and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the prostitute gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "prostitute." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"PROSTITUTE: Person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The prostitute reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."

2.

A scouser is sat in a bar having a drink . When a gay guy walks in to the bar .

After a few beers the gay guy plucks up enough courage to speak to the scouser .

"do you fancy a blow job" he whispers

The scouser picks up a bar stool and batters the gay guy to a pulp .then throws him out of the pub

The landlord turns around and says " christ that was a bit harsh ,what did he say "

" i havent got a clue " he replies " something about a job "

3.

A nun gets into a taxi and the driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance & see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1) you have to be single and

2) you must be Catholic."

The driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fullfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

4.

The Irish Republic has a new $3,000,000 Lottery. The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

5.

I rear-ended a car this morning...

I tell you, I just knew that it was going to be a really bad day!!

The driver got out of the other car, and I could not believe it....

he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So I looked down at him and said, "Well, which one are you then?"

That's how the fight started....