Reply from the Tax Man

[jb-eye]

Subject: Fw: What makes Britain great

Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr. Edwards,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to

our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I

will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a begging

letter. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a tax demand. This

is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,

traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the endless stream of crapulent

whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the

doormat has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other

letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from

pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers

might indicate that your decision to file them next to the toilet in case of

emergencies is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own

organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you

as a lackwit bumpkin or, come to that, a sodding charity. More likely they

see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute

to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth

in your assertion that the taxes you pay go to shore up the canker-blighted

toppling folly that is the Public Services, a moment's rudimentary

calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any

way expects you to stump up for the whole damned party yourself.

The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds

levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the

mark. Less than you

seem to imagine is spent on junkets for Bunterish lickspittles and dancing

whores whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for

example, that box-ticking fagade of a university system.

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write Muggins on the envelope has to do with

the vagaries of the postal system.

2. You can rest assured that sucking the very marrows of those with nothing

else to give has never been considered as a practice because even if the

Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical

logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish

to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that

even if you did

choose to give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India you would

still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours sincerely,

H J Lee

Customer Relations

[Smoke Screen]

Hahahahhah ha ah ah hhah h ah hah

LMAO

[Rich]

Very Amusing

[Guest IM_Alarms]

Sadly accurate!